Thursday, 7 August 2014
A couple of days ago was my 38th birthday. It was a good opportunity to reflect on my life - past, presence and future. In my last post I said that I feel a bit under the weather. I've thought a lot about this in the past few weeks and tried to figure out why this has happened. So here it goes:
1. I'm having a long-term family problem which I tend to ignore. Now with my upcoming visit to Germany to see my family, this problem has resurfaced with its worst possible consequences.
2. I moved to simple living to obtain a less materialistic and more simpler lifestyle which I have achieved (still improving of course). But I made it a full-time job, not offering time for leisure, personal development, my partner or even my paid work.
3. Perfectionism - still, identified as a problem but not the main cause of my current unhappiness.
On my birthday, Steve let me choose how we spend the day. I wanted to go hiking - despite the wind, rain and cold weather. So after a basic breakfast, we took our sandwiches for lunch, our backpacks and warm, rainproof clothing and went to the Cradle Mountains. We spent 3 hours hiking, talking, admiring. Steve didn't really want to go on the walk but since it was my birthday, he came along. But to both of our surprise, he really enjoyed it. We saw the mountains disappearing in clouds right in front of our eyes, we saw some beautiful plants and wombats. Upon our return in the cabin, we put our wet clothes in front of the fire to dry, enjoyed our sandwiches in our tracksuits and then had a relaxing Spa Bath overlooking nothing but natural bush while drinking Champagner. I felt happy.
So I made some decisions for my future:
1. I need to clear up the family problem and I need to do this properly. There's feelings of family members involved but I have to make the right decision for me, otherwise I will just please other people - even if they're family - and wouldn't be true to myself. It's not easy to solve this problem but I cannot have it continue to haunt me, it needs to be dealt with once and for all.
2. Simple Living is supposed to be a lifestyle, not a full time job! I need to decide what's important to me, what I enjoy doing and what my partner enjoys doing. It's not good enough for me to decide how I want to live knowing to well that my partner doesn't want to live that way. I've been selfish and hoped he would just grow to it but he hasn't. We had a big talk before our holidays that he doesn't want all the things I want and vice a versa. So we decided we would take this holiday and think - each on our own - about how we want to live and how we can make it work. I will talk about this topic a bit more in another post.
But what I have decided is that I need to make time for leisure, personal development and my paid work! I cannot see my paid work as a hinderance to my simple living pursuit! Without my paid work, I cannot pay my mortage off, so it needs to be a priority. Also things which I enjoy doing might not necessarily fit the frugal simple living lifestyle but this is my life, it's the only one I have, i need to live it the way I want to. I don't need to feel bad when I go to the hairdresser twice a year, when I buy my favourite cheese (which is very pricey) or when we decide to go travelling or out for lunch. I have felt guilty and deprived of some pleasures I enjoy because they aren't frugal. I started a simple life but have forgotten about the living! So this is where major changes will occur and I'm looking forward to it!
3. Perfectionism - that's a tough one. I guess once I come up with an idea, I have to implement, rather than getting stuck in the planning phase. That's not always easy due to my work - I get the best ideas at work and then have to wait to get home and implement them. I added a due date column on my to-do list. Hopefully that helps!
Thank you for all of your nice comments and email. I feel much better, more determined and look forward to this new year of my life!